Calamari Shmalamari
by semmaforeva
Summary: I wrote this for a youtube contest hosted by greenfiend03 and gilmoregirls28. I was bored and I thought this would be fun. Derek just found out he raised the money to open his own calamari stand. And Casey has offered to work for him?


**I'm writing this for a youtube contest. I just thought it might be fun. Plus this will be my first one shot.**

Derek ran into the house waving a letter around. "I did it!" He shouted through the house in excitement. The family walked into the living room coming from various locations.

"What, figured out how to open the mailbox?" Casey spouted out with a smirk. Derek just glared and put his hands down.

"No, Casey, I didn't." Derek realized how that came out and shifted his eyes. Edwin stared at Derek while Casey and Lizzie just laughed. "Whatever. Not the point."

"What is it, Derek?" George asked impatiently. Derek turned his gaze towards George and recalled what he had intended to discuss.

"I finally got the money from working at Smelly Nelly's to..." He paused and looked at Edwin. "Drum roll, Ed." Edwin started tapping his legs to make the sound of drums and Derek looked extremely excited. "I got the money to open my own calamari stand!" Derek said in excitement. Edwin's drum roll stopped and everyone looked at each other in confusion.

"What's a calamari stand?" Marti called out begging for attention.

"Well, Smarti." Derek began. "It's a type of squid."

"Ewwww!" Marti ran upstairs. "That's gross Smerek!" Derek didn't look thrilled at this comment.

"Do you really think that's a wise investment for a sixteen year old boy to be making?" Nora questioned trying to stay neutral.

"Really, Derek. There are much better things to invest in." George stated in a concerned manner. Derek rolled his eyes.

"I'm not a boy, Nora." Derek stood tall and looked Nora in the eyes. "I'm a man." Casey began laughing and everyone stared at her.

"Derek. A man?" She was almost hysterical in her fit of laughter. "What _man _plays with dolls?" Derek crossed his arms and glared.

"They aren't dolls. They're GI Joes..." He paused and mumbled a bit. "And I don't play with them anymore. I collect them." Casey continued laughing.

"Right, D." George interrupted with a loud booming voice.

"Enough!" All eyes were on George. "Think about this, Derek."

"I have thought about it, Dad." Derek said with plenty of confidence. "I've always wanted a calamari stand to call my own." Derek smiled and gazed off.

Derek began imagining himself working at the calamari stand. He was taking money from customers as Casey served them food and mopped the floor.

"Derek! Derek!" George called out and Derek shook his head with a laugh.

"Good times." Derek said under his breath.

"If this is something you really want to do, I won't stop you." George spoke with skepticism in his voice. "Just don't come to me when this whole operation fails." George and Nora walked out of the room and into their own bedroom. Now only Lizzie, Edwin, Casey, and Derek were in the room.

"What d'ya think, Edwin?" Derek asked with a smirk on his face. "You wanna invest in this?"

"Uh, no thanks, Bro. I've invested in a lot of things but this won't be one of them." Edwin spoke shakily as he retreated to his bedroom and Lizzie followed. Casey and Derek could hear them mumbling something about how dumb this idea was as they walked off and their voices faded.

"well, well, well." Casey spoke walking towards the couch and she took a seat.

"What?" Derek glared.

"Looks like nobody wants a part in your little charade." Casey smirked devilishly. Derek walked over to his recliner. "Except me." Casey shrugged and turned towards him. Derek looked confused yet intrigued.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He grabbed the controller and turned on ESPN to watch some hockey.

"I need a job and _you_ need employees." She took the remote and turned off the television. Derek stared at Casey blankly.

"Why would _you_ want to work for _me?_"

"Let's just say I'm desperate." Derek and Casey stared at each other for a moment but were interrupted by the sound of the door bell ringing. Derek stood up to answer the door. Casey watched him walk away as she bit her lip.

"'Sup, Noel?" Derek gave Noel that high five/hug/fist pounding thing guys do. Casey stood up from where she was sitting.

"Hey, Noel." Casey gave him a smile as she walked over to hug him. "I wasn't expecting you." She looked into Noel's eyes and shifted her own towards Derek. Noel just gave a knowing nod.

"Well, I needed to get those notes for trig." He winked at her. Derek noticed this and looked confused.

"I think I'll just leave you two love birds alone." Derek walked out of the room awkwardly. Casey and Noel watched the stairs until they heard a door shut. Casey took Noel by the arm and pulled him over to the couch.

"What are you doing here?" She said in a loud whisper. Noel appeared to be frightened and began to stutter a bit.

"W- Well, I really do need those trig notes." He said honestly. "I wasn't s-sure if you-" Casey cut him off.

"It doesn't matter now." She looked around the room to make sure they were alone. "I told you I was going to make my move." She spoke a little louder.

"I know but-" He stopped in mid-sentence. "I heard through Max who heard through Emily who heard through Sam who heard through Derek that Ralph is going to come over in, like, " he looked at his wrist watch. "Ten minutes to ask you out." He nodded his head to reassure Casey that what she heard was correct.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner!?" She grabbed him by the collar.

"I didn't know until about a half hour ago." He said as he pulled back a little. "You're kinda choking me, Case." He laughed nervously.

"Calamari, Ralph, my family." She let go of Noel's shirt. "Why is the universe against my happiness!?" She shouted out. Edwin came walking down the stairs at exactly this time. He stared at Casey and Noel who just glanced at each other and then back at Edwin.

"We're just practicing for the school play." Noel said nervously and looked back at Casey. "It's not the universe that's against you…" He paused to think. "…It's the fashion industry!" He looked down. "And scene." He looked back at Edwin. "What do you think?" Edwin shrugged.

"It could use a little work." He began walking into the kitchen. "But I'm not complaining." Casey thought this whole situation was becoming a bit odd. She shook her head.

"What are we going to do about Ral-" Her jaw dropped. "If you heard this through Max who heard it from Emily who heard it through Sam who heard it through Derek then that means Derek told him it was ok." Casey looked angry. "Der-ek!" She shouted as loudly as possible. Derek came walking down the stairs quickly.

"What?" Derek asked exasperated. "I'm trying to work out the menu for my Calamari stand." Noel was completely confused about the whole calamari situation but thought it was better not to ask.

"Did you tell Ralph it was ok to ask me out?" She was shooting daggers at Derek with her eyes.

"No, why would I do that?" He smirked. "Ralph is my friend. I would never expose him to that kind of torture." Just then the doorbell rang again. Derek walked over to get it. Casey looked at Noel nervously and Noel looked at her terrified. He didn't want to get hurt again. "Hey, Ralphie." Derek gave him a quick hug. "What are you doing here?" Ralph walked in as Derek shut the door.

"I'm actually here to see Casey." Ralph looked over in Casey's direction and smiled. Derek did not look pleased. Casey just gave Ralph a polite smile and Noel tried to make his way towards the door.

"Ummm, Ralph. Let's chat, shall we?" Derek led Ralph into the kitchen where Edwin was preparing a sandwich.

"What is it, D?" Ralph was now getting fidgety. "I was gonna ask Casey out, man." He looked into the living room where Casey was with Noel. It appeared she was blocking him from the front door.

"About that." Derek shrugged and Edwin pretended he wasn't listening. "Casey and Noel." Ralph nodded his head to show he was following along. "They're kind… Together." Derek lied and put his arm around Ralph who dropped his head.

"No way, man. Sam said she was a free agent." He said in disbelief.

"Well, Sam was wrong." Derek began walking Ralph to the back door. "Look, I'll save you some embarrassment." Derek opened the door as Edwin watched in confusion. "I'll tell Casey you just wanted to borrow a CD and I delivered instead." Ralph walked out the door nodding his head.

"Thanks, D. You rule!" Ralph smiled.

"I know." Derek said as he shut the door on Ralph and tried to leave the room. He was stopped by Edwin's questioning the situation that just took place.

"Why'd you tell Ralph that Casey' and Noel are going out?" Edwin said as he finished putting the mayonnaise into the refrigerator. Derek grabbed Edwin's sandwich when the latter's back was turned.

"It will make sense in time, Ed." Derek spoke slyly as he took a bite of the sandwich. Edwin turned to see his sandwich in Derek's hands.

"Derek!" Edwin exclaimed.

Back in the living room Casey and Noel were arguing.

"I've had enough, Casey!" Noel announced. "Enough abuse from you." Noel walked to the door and Casey stood in shock. "When you're done being crazy over Derek give me a call." He walked out of the house and slammed the door.

"I've become a monster." Casey said to herself. "This all because of… Derek!" Edwin walked back through the living room to go upstairs.

"Still practicing for that play?" Edwin asked giving Casey a knowing look.

"Go away, Edwin." Casey insisted as she plopped down on the couch.

"Well, Derek's in the kitchen." He paused as Casey turned towards him glaring. "Just in case you wanted to know." Edwin shuffled up the stairs and back to his attic bedroom. Casey stood after a moment and walked into the kitchen confidently.

"Hey, Case?" Derek asked as she walked in. "What do you think of wasabi mayonnaise?" He said pulling some out of the fridge. It was left over from the take out Nora ordered the night before.

Casey shook her head and walked towards Derek.

"You wanna know what _I _think of wasabi mayonnaise?" She pulled the small plastic container from Derek's hand and opened it. "This is what I think of wasabi mayonnaise." She dumped it over Derek's head. Derek stood in shock as Casey opened the refrigerator door.

"What the f-" He was stopped by Casey squirting him with mustard.

"And that's what I think of you!" She stood her ground confidently with the bottle of mustard in her hand. Derek walked closer to her. He was mere inches away. He grabbed the peanut butter from the top of the fridge and opened the jar. Casey just stared with fire in her eyes.

Derek shoved his fist into the peanut butter and rubbed it into Casey's hair and face. Her jaw dropped and she laughed angrily.

"Two can play this game, McDonald." Derek said stepping closer.

"Do you worst, Venturi." Casey snapped and took a step forward.

"What's that?" Derek said convincingly enough to make gullible Casey look as he pointed to his left.

"What?" Casey stared. Just then she felt Derek grab her arm and pull her closer. Derek kissed her passionately and then pushed her away.

"How's that for my worst?" He smirked and Casey dropped the bottle of mustard she was holding.

"Well, it wasn't exactly." She paused and looked down towards her feet.

"What's wrong, Case? Ya can't keep up?" He said in a mockingly sad tone.

"Shut-up, _Der_," She emphasized the _Der_ then wrapped her arms around Derek's neck and kissed him deeply. Derek and Casey pulled away at the same time. Her arms were still around his neck and his were now around her waist.

They spoke simultaneously: "What took you so long?"


End file.
